The Cancer Kid's Sister

This is a little story about what it was like for me when my little brother was diagnosed with cancer..

May 21^st 2005 was a Saturday I will never forget.  The weekend started out like any other weekend. I had two friends sleep over that Friday night, and when we woke up my parents were talking about taking my little brother, Tom, to the ER because of some strange bruises he had.  These bruises were black, the darkest bruises you could ever imagine all because the kids in his class at school were playing the pinching game that week.  My friends and I were sitting in the basement on the couch when my brother came down stairs and said “mom and dad are going to take me to the ER” I told him “yeah, you probably have the black plague and you’re going to die in 3 days.”  I wanted to be the mean big sister and scare my little brother.  I had no idea that I would end up being the one scared that day.  My parents took my brother to the ER, my sister Sarah drove my friends back to their houses, we listened to country music in the car on the way home, it was supposed to be a normal weekend..  When my sister and I got home, we were hanging out and realized mom hadn’t called us to let us know what was going on with Tom.  So my sister called my mom.  I was in my bedroom and Sarah was in the kitchen on the phone.  I heard her say “I’ll tell Kelley” so I came out into the kitchen.  That’s when my sister told me that my brother was diagnosed with leukemia. 

The first time I remember ever hearing what leukemia was, was when I was in 7^th grade.  I sat next to a girl who had leukemia when she was 4.  The only reason it came up was because she was celebrating a cancerversary.  I didn’t realize how amazing cancerversaries can be.

When I heard that Tom had cancer I didn’t know what to do, I remember crying and I ran into the bathroom, I wanted it to be a lie, I wanted it to be fake like there was no way my brother could have cancer.  I did what any other high school girl would do, I called my best friend, Alex.  She was one of the friends who had slept over that Friday night.  When I told her the news she broke down crying, crying so much she couldn’t talk so she handed the phone to her mom.  I had to say it again “my brother has cancer.”  Her mom calmed me down, Alex got back on the phone with me and we said good bye.  I had plans to hang out with my friend, Robert, his parents were coming to pick me up.  Sarah went to the hospital and I didn’t. I still regret not going but I didn’t know how to do it, I didn’t know how to see my little brother in the hospital fighting for his life.  When I was hanging out at Robert’s house his little brother was being pretty annoying, wanting to hang out with us.  When I would look at his little brother all I could think of was mine.  Am I even going to have a little brother anymore? Is he going to die? Saturday was the longest day of my life.

Sunday I went to the hospital.  I walked in and saw my little brother in bed, and I immediately ran into the bathroom so I could cry, I didn’t want my brother to see me crying, I didn’t want him to know I was scared.  I was so scared.

 
Monday I had to go to school. How can I go to school when my little brother was in the hospital?  At lunch Alex and I went to sit at our normal lunch table.  At this table we all normally made fun of each other, Alex told the guys to not make fun of me that day because my brother was diagnosed with cancer.  Sitting at the table everyone was awkward, then a guy who was sitting at the table with us asked me “is your brother anything like you, because if he is, he is going to be ok.” Thanks Will for that.  I had swim practice later that week and I overheard a girl talking about how her little buddy got diagnosed with cancer. I asked her what his name was and she said, “Tommy Frasier.” I said, “That’s my brother.”  My brother has cancer. This cannot be real.  I am the cancer kid’s sister.

I remember one day that week my dad came home to get some stuff for my brother and mom to have at the hospital.  He was going around grabbing pictures and I was following him, watching him. As he was walking down the hall I saw it, I saw my dad cry.  Dads are not supposed to cry.

If you know me, you know I try to be funny 95% of the time. Sometimes it is annoying, sometimes I really am funny.  So of course I had to continue this through my brother’s treatments.  My mom called me “the family cheerleader.”  It was a lot of pressure for someone who thought their best friend, their little brother was going to die. Every day I did it, every day I tried to be my family’s cheerleader.
 
3 ½ years passed and my brother finished treatment.  He survived.  He kicked cancers ass.  Sorry for the language but seriously it is our family’s favorite thing to say.  I still cry when I think about that day, I still cry when I think about all the things my brother went through.  I still cry when I think about the idea that my brother almost died.  The doctors told my parents that if he wasn’t brought in on that Saturday he would’ve probably died on Monday.  I am so thankful my brother survived.  Today, Tom is 21 years old, he is my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without him. 

Tom survived cancer but unfortunately cancer is the disease that keeps on giving. Because of all the treatments Tom has no immune system and has to get what is called an IgG transfusion every three weeks so he can have an immune system. 

Today, May 21^st 2015 is my brothers 10 year cancerversary.  10 years ago my brother started a fight.  Today kids everywhere are starting that same fight.  Some will win and kick cancers ass.  But some will not.  Some won’t make it.  That is why I want raise awareness for childhood cancer. 

 
I am sharing my cancer kid’s sister story because I take childhood cancer awareness seriously. Through my social media I post sad pictures of my brother going through treatments, I post sad statistics about how many kids die. KIDS DIE! That means sisters and brothers everywhere lose their siblings.  They don’t get to go to their sibling’s high school graduation.  They don’t get to have their siblings at their weddings.  They don’t get to go to the bar with them once they turn 21 and buy them a drink.  Kids can’t fight cancer alone.

Just recently Ellen DeGeneres made a challenge to post a video of you dancing to raise awareness for childhood cancer. Use the hashtag #justkeepdancing and post some videos.  It will make all the little kids fighting cancer happy, I promise!

just a little blog about cancer

This is going to be a short little blog… So Ellen DeGeneres made a challenge to post videos of you dancing to raise awareness of childhood cancer.  Naturally this hit home because in 2005 my little brother was diagnosed with cancer.  His 10 year cancerversary is next week and I am going to be posting a blog about how that day was for me, the cancer kid’s sister.  Cancer can really rock a family.  All of a sudden all you know is different. Anyways all you who are reading this please post a video on your social media of you dancing and give it #justkeepdancing.  Kids can’t fight cancer alone.

Sticking to the pattern of not posting

Once again I have gone a long time without blogging, I guess I am not going to be a professional blogger. Oh well!  Here’s a quick update on what is going on: I have applied to 3 nursing programs and have been accepted into 1 I’m still waiting to hear back from my number one but I got accepted into my number two wawhoo!!! So either way I will be starting nursing school come August!!! I can finally see a light at the end of this long long long tunnel.

Shaun has been working super hard not sure of all he does but you know, Marine stuff.

Bentley is almost 5 (if you are new to my blog or have no idea who I am Bentley is our dog).  He is still pretty hyper and he thinks he is the official watch dog of the neighborhood.  He loves taking up the whole bed at night and would prefer to sleep in rather than get up at 4am with Shaun.

We are still living in North Carolina.  We are approaching our 2 year anniversary of closing on our house! I cannot believe it!!  I never thought I could love North Carolina but I think I am starting to. Don’t get me wrong I miss the California life, but I guess a little southern living isn’t so bad.  We are still figuring out this whole home owners stuff and if you don’t own a home all I can tell you is owning a home is hard work.  It reminds me of how much I hate being a grown up. 

A little story that happened the other day:  I had a little flash back of my childhood.  I was pretending and playing house.  I had bobby pins on a hair tie; these were my house keys.  I had my purse on my shoulder and I walked up to my closed bedroom door and started to pretend to unlock it with a bobby pin… I had this great flash back as I was holding mail in my hands and by mail all we get are bills so you know getting mail isn’t near as much fun as it was when you were a kid, anyways I had the mail in my hand, my purse on my shoulder and keys in my hand.  This time the keys were real house keys to my real house and I had real bills and my purse probably has less money in it than it did when I was a kid.  I just think if I could’ve told myself back then real “house” is not really that fun I wonder if I would’ve still wanted to play it?  I know there are some perks of being a grown up trust me I love love loveeeee being married and being a wife.  But I feel I am in this weird place where I am still a student and I don’t have a grown up job yet, but I am still considered a grown up. I don’t know maybe it’s just me maybe I am the only one who feels like pretending to be a grownup was so much more fun than actually being one.

 

That’s about all I got for now maybe I will blog again in a few days or maybe in a few months who knows either way, CHEERS TO ALL THE GROWNUPS OUT THERE!!

Whats For Dinner??

So I know I'm not the only military wife that doesn't eat the greatest when their husband is not home... and by not eating the greatest, I mean, well lets just say my meals aren't balanced..

When Shaun was deployed I would eat cereal, sandwiches, soup, frozen meals, umm I guess that's about it. So when ever he tells me he is going to be in the field or it is going to be a late night I just figure I'll eat cereal or a sandwich or something no big deal. 

And here is where I'm going with this..
Yesterday Shaun told me "tomorrow is going to be a late night" so I checked the pantry, saw I had soup and thought to my self, ok dinner for tomorrow is on.

well tomorrow is today and at about 6 pm tonight I'm sitting on the couch ignoring the fact that most of the dishes are dirty piled in the sink, I'm catching up on my trash tv, and I hear the garage door open.. hmmm.. I look at the clock and see that it's not to late.. weird I wonder who is here??

Heyy baby!! YUP Shaun came home earlier than he thought and the first words out of his mouth were "what's for dinner?" I looked at him with two thoughts in my head.. 1) there is only one can of soup and 2) I hope he doesn't look at the sink.  I told him.. umm.. I don't really have dinner plans, I wasn't going to eat, you said you were coming home late..  When your marine comes home from work he comes home with a hunger of 500 men I SWEAR!! so I felt bad, so I told him there were left overs in the fridge :) I am such a great wife! lol.. Oh well..

I know I am not the only military wife out there who eats the way I do when the husband is not home.. how do I know this you ask? well most of my friends that I have met through out this crazy military life think that Oreos are a perfect appetizer to a wonderful dinner of a whole bag of unwashed grapes.  Yup if you're a military wife I'm pretty sure you've been there lol

So to anyone who reads this that knows a military wife please feed her, she's hungry and I can tell you the lucheable that she's eating doesn't actually taste that good.


PS: Thank you to my wonderful neighbors Ashlyn and Ryan in California that fed me almost everyday while Shaun was deployed

I really need to blog more often!

Well, it has been a long time since the last I blogged.. like 2 years!! YIKES! So I guess I will tell you a little of what has been going on..

We left Camp Pendleton July 2013 and started our journey across the country. Shaun got stationed at Camp Lejeune and we are approaching a year mark, honestly I can't believe we have been here for almost a year.  We bought a house out here in North Carolina and are learning what being a home owner is all about, how can I put this.. BEING A GROWN UP SUCKS! not really, but it kind of does.  I am a full time student out here and I am really rocking at school, like I have a 4.0 gpa!! I'm sure a lot of you are wondering how Bentley is doing and surprisingly he's doing pretty good besides being allergic to everything in our back yard causing vet visits and vet bills to go up but I guess that's nothing new.  Bentley just had his 4th birthday so I am now a mom of a 4 year old dog, he is no longer my little puppy :(

So why did I decide to start blogging again??? Well...
This last December I had actually made a New Years resolution to blog more.. obviously that didn't go as planned so I am hoping I can keep up with it and be able to tell you the story about our life as it's happening.

That's all I have for today I figured I'd keep it short and sweet and ease you guys back into our lives :)

Long time no blog

We are roughly 11 weeks into this deployment it feels like Shaun and I have been apart for much much longer.  I know I have not written in a while so I thought I would share what I have been up to.  For starters I have been working 40 hours a week at the pool.  Working has made the weeks go by fast so I am very thankful for that.  The wives and I have been hanging out a few times a week it is nice being able to talk to women who know exactly what you are feeling.  I think it was a couple of weeks ago that all of us were feeling really down.  During deployments there comes a time when you realize your husband is not just gone for a couple of months for a training exercise he is gone for 5-7 months in a different country and it hurts, your heart hurts.  You keep thinking oh he will be home in a few weeks then all of a sudden you realize oh no there is still about 5 months to go.  I have decided that I hate when people ask me when my husband is coming home because when I tell them I still have roughly 4 months to go they always respond oh my that’s so far away I feel like saying to them DUH YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW IT’S FAR AWAY!!! I only sit at home waiting for that phone call or waiting for that message on facebook (thank God for technology).  I know how long I have till I get to see my husband’s face again please people don’t remind me that I have a long way to go.  Sorry for the little vent I guess I get tired of putting on a brave face to strangers trying to pretend that deployments really aren’t that bad.  They suck!

But in other news last week my mom and little brother came out to visit me we had a fun weekend filled with lots of Disneyland. I really miss my mom. Then this weekend my sister came out to visit it was a much needed sister vacation (stay-cation for me). She brought her two boxers with her so it was two of us and three of them let’s just say the coffee table had to be moved to the corner because my family room is actually just an extension of my backyard.

That’s about all that has happened in the last 10 weeks that I haven’t written. I know super exciting I hope you have enjoyed reading.  Until next time J

one week down!

Tomorrow is going to be one week since Shaun deployed and so far so good.  I have been working a lot and in my free time hanging out with some of the other wives.  It’s nice having them around since they know exactly what I am going through.  This is going to be the longest time Shaun and I have been apart since we started living together.  When I tell people Shaun is a marine and of course with that he is gone a lot they always ask how do you do it? and at work this week I was talking to a kid and he said “you military wives you’re a different kind of breed” and I can’t help but agree with him 100% we are a different breed but also I would say are husbands are a different kind of breed as well.  They have to be creative when it comes to anniversaries and birthdays because most of the time they aren’t home for those, they may not be home but they still need to fill our love bucket!  I think Shaun is really good about keeping my love bucket full for example the day he left he didn’t have to be to work until the evening time and I of course was at work the entire day.  When I came home from work my hands were full I was on the phone and pretty emotional considering my husband was going to be leaving in like a few hours.   He wouldn’t let me walk into the family room area and he was blocking me and finally I looked at him and was like WHAT!? And he goes come here I go in the kitchen and there are two big pictures in frames one was of me and him and the other of me and my friends and in between them he got me lilies (my favorite) and a card that had my name on it and under my name said do not open until September 18 (our anniversary).  Shaun planned three months in advanced so I could for sure have a card on our anniversary. I told him why do you have to be so good to me it makes me miss you more when you’re gone lol.  I have a wonderful husband. Enough about Shaun I’m crying my eyes out now missing him so much, so I’ll tell you a funny story about Bentley.  He has been pretty picky about his food lately and not eating it right away almost as if I had been feeding him too much (8cups a day). so I decided to cut down to 6 cups a day.  Last night while eating pizza Bentley starts crying and begging me for food of my plate and I never ever ever feed him food off my plate so I don’t know where the begging was coming from. Tonight I realized he was throwing up in the back yard and I went out there and it was two huge handfuls of grass (guess I’m starving him now). Doesn’t matter what I do I guess bent will never be happy lol. Can you say spoiled!!!